I get a lot of social media evangelists following me on Twitter, presumably because I’ve got ‘SEO’ and ‘social media’ in my Twitter bio.

They usually unfollow me within hours as I never follow them – a common trait of social media evangelists. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve nothing against them but I can’t believe many of them make a lot of money and most of their advice amounts to stating-the-bleeding-obvious posts on basic SEO and social media etiquette.

So I got to thinking, what would my Twitter page look like if I were a social media evangelist?

The result is below, with a few important points to explain the nitty gritty.

Twitter evangelism – some basic rules:

• Numbers of followers and following almost exactly the same. The social media evangelist refuses to follow anyone who does not follow back.

• Link to website that dispenses weak and generic advice on SEO, marketing and social media marketing.

• Likely to come from exotic location.

• Photo is either black-and-white professional or sun-tanned relaxation.

• Must include at least one quirky activity or like. Children’s books, something new age or ironic film/pop culture genre.

• Follows most Twitter celebs, and desperately tries to gain attention of said celeb. Often includes @wossy replies that are not aimed specifically @wossy, just in case @wossy notices.

• Website/ebook logo and contact information partially obscured by the bit where updates go. All writing slightly bitmapped.

• Updates number in tens of thousand. All rubbish.